Wanting



So I had a day yesterday.
Self reflection sometimes dredges up a lot of the unexpected.  Let me start with I have an amazing life.  I have wonderful children,  an amazing husband, a fantastic job, a beautiful home and somehow I still find myself wanting. 
There a thousand things I am so grateful for yet I feel sometimes I am just a spectator in my own life. 
I am always scheduling this or that running someone here or there.  Always checking in those who need it.  Trying to help where I can in my quiet behind the scenes way. 
Wanting....
Wanting to eat better, wanting to be better, wanting to find time to read the stack of books I continue to buy but never have time for.  Wanting to do the cross stitch patterns I have had for years and never come back to.  Wanting without feeling guilty to do things that I find interesting.  That usually doesn't happen as there just are not enough hours in the day and things have to get done. 
Wanting to get through a whole day without feeling like I am failing somewhere. 

Then there is the switch. Get up stop, stop whining, be grateful, what is wrong with you.  You have this amazing husband and by everyone else's standards you are a great mom.  Perception.  It all comes back to perception.  I know my kids are amazing. I know my life is good.  I just sometimes want more........

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