Alone with my thoughts

Dad..................... Fathers day. A man I never got to know but is literally half of me.  I spent forty years looking for answers.  Knowing that I may never find them.  Then one click on an app of all things and there is was.  A match. A chromosomal match.  I had taken that test with my half sister so I could rule out the matches that would lead me back to my mother.  This day, that match, related to someone more than my sister more than the only people I have known as family.  Right there waiting for me to answer. Longest two hours of my life.  I sent an email with my theory that I was the half sister to this match.   I was right.  My brother John.  Graduated in 1989 from the very same high school I did.  I can say the words my brother from another mother.  Still makes me laugh. He didn't know I existed either. It never even occurred to me when I spit in that tube that one day I would find a sibling also. It neve...

YES... After months of saying no we can't go here no we can't do that  no we can't see them.  I said enough Kaitlyn wanted to make french toast by herself YES.  Kaitlyn wanted to go to the beach and float YES.  The older three want to join a mine-craft world together and eat pizza in the living room YES.  I spend so much of my time worrying about bills and life  years from now and where will be that I keep missing where we are. In the middle of writing this I found out a dear friend of mine at the young age of 38 left us and this earth and I am just at a loss.  How can someone whose been through so much and overcome so much just be gone.  It makes today's yes's mean that much more.  NO more wasting time.  Live today fully and proudly.  Live with love and express it whenever you can. Don't wait for tomorrow because all to often tomorrow is never promised.  I need to let go and be the parent these girls deserve. Be a mom I can be...